Sunnydale vs New York City
by UnstableUniverses
Summary: Will Buffy and her friends survive in a battle royale against the TMNT? Written for the UnstableUniverses podcast


**Episode I**

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Battle Royale

The platforms began to raise, finally letting some light shine into the small tube Spike had been placed in, god only knows how long ago. It must have been days judging by how hungry he was.

He recoiled at the feeling of sun rays burning his skin, throwing his long leather duster over his head. Huddled under the jacket, be noticed a shiny object on the ground. He reached out carefully, being sure to keep his hand in the shadows.

"A bloody sword? A little old fashioned, even for my taste," Spike muttered as he examined the weapon. The cold steel was nearly 3 feet long, coming to a sharp point. The handle was simple, leather-wrapped, and made for a two-handed swing.

The platform stopped with the grinding of gears. Spike peered out from under the protection of his duster. Standing on similar platforms were nine others, some familiar, others completely alien to him. To his left, he saw Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Angel, who was also struggling to stay out of direct sunlight under a circular shield.

To his right, however, were five strange creatures. He had seen a whole gambit of demons and monsters, but these were entirely new to his eyes. Four of them stood tall, nearly tall feet, with skin of a deep and rich green. They appeared to be nude, except for hard turtle-like shells on their torsos and coloured bandanas over their eyes. The fifth was dwarfed by the others, barely four feet tall with his hunched back. This one was covered in grey brown fur and wearing a tattered robe.

He looked around at his surroundings. The ten of them were standing on platforms in a circle, each were about 20 feet apart, give or take. There were plenty of trees surrounding them, thankfully, so he could make it out of the sun without burning up.

"Oy, Goldilocks, these friends of yours?" Spike called out to Buffy, "They're butt ugly."

He could see Buffy turn to him and open her mouth to respond, but a blaring voice came on over an unseen speaker. "We're finally ready ladies and gentlemen. Our contestants are armed and ready to go! Two teams enter, but only one leaves! On your marks, get set, go!"

The four giant green beasts looked around at each other, then to the small grey one who solemnly nodded, then back to each other. They shrugged and the one wearing the orange mask yelled "Kowabunga!" then they began to charge, weapons drawn.

Spike took the charging monsters as a cue to make his exit, and he took off sprinting for the forest. He hadn't yet reached the treeline before he heard the familiar clashing of metal on metal. He turned back, still running at full speed, and saw his friends had rushed forward to face the monstrosities at the center of the circle, even Angel, who had to keep his shield between himself and the sun, rather than in the way of his enemy.

Spike looked down at the sword he held in both hands. The blade gleamed with the light that could so easily end his extremely long life. "Oh hell, guess I have to be the hero. Again." Spike murmured as he pulled a U-turn, heading back toward the fray.

Buffy was fighting the blue-masked one. Both combatants were shouting orders at their respective friends. _So the blue bloke must be their leader_ , he thought. _Buffy seems to be handling it okay_.

Angel, despite his handicap, was taking on the orange and the purple ones. His shield was held aloft to block the sun as the two monsters bore down on him. The purple one wielded a staff that had been sharpened to a point, he poked and prodded toward Angel. The orange one whipped around nunchucks, landing fast and light blows to Angel's head and torso. Angel was retreating slowly, hissing, the transformation of his vampire face shortly giving the two monsters pause.

Xander fought as bravely as he could. The memories of being a soldier that one Halloween were the only thing saving him from being long gone. Whoever orchestrated this had given him a bow and arrow, which he could fire with low accuracy at best. He shot at the grey thing, never coming particularly close, but it stopped the thing from advancing.

Willow's magic was holding back the red one quite handily. He had never seen her use any offensive spells before, so it was truly fascinating. She picked up the red-masked creature with a tornado and flung him into the grey thing. She followed up with a blast of fire, singing the grey one's fur. "Oh come on, Will! I had that one!" Xander shouted.

Spike considered his options. Angel needed the most help, but he was also the most significant threat. If this truly would end with only one survivor, he wouldn't want to have to face Angel at the end. That would be far too much effort. So Spike headed for the red and grey ones, struggling to stand back up after the hard collision.

"Right-o, I'm afraid this is curtains for you lot," he smirked as he lunged forward with the sword. He felt the blade bite into furry flesh, and the scent of blood washed over him. The blood reminded him of the days he spent unable to hurt a living soul, the days of stale animal blood he had to feed on. Truly unappealing, but he was ever so hungry, so he dove in.

"Master Splinter! No! You Foot bastard!" The red one screamed in rage. His first sai plunged down, piercing Spike's duster and into his back. The other followed, poking another hole in the jacket and skin of the vampire.

Spike looked recoiled in pain, having to stop his feeding to deal with this annoyance. But by the time he stood to fast the monstrosity, an arrow had appeared through its throat. From a distance he heard the cheers of Xander and Willow.

Spike looked at the two fresh corpses. They didn't poof to dust like demons and vampires usually did after they were killed… Before Spike could truly consider the implications, he realized the searing pain in his back. The holes in his duster were letting the sun in, making it nearly useless. Spike knew this had to end quickly before he became nothing more than a small pile of British ash.

He surveyed the battlefield. Buffy and the blue one were still locked in mortal combat. Angel had dispatched the orange one, ripping the shell from its back to use it as another shield from the sun. Xander and Willow had rushed over to help. The purple one was now surrounded by his three friends. Its staff seemed more useless than a toothpick at this point.

Spike pulled the sword from the grey rat-beast and licked it clean. _The blue one next then_ , he thought. He moved quickly, but silently, his face still transformed to his vampire visage. _Ha,_ _I'm like some sort of mutant ninja!_

He came up behind the blue monster and leapt on to its back. His sharp teeth dug into its thick leathery green skin. With a scream, it dropped one of its swords and reached back to pull him off. It yanked and tugged, but Spike was firmly attached to the thing's neck. With it so distracted, Buffy moved in for the kill, planting her stake in the other side of the abomination. Spike withdrew from the dead fiend, "You're welcome, luv." He said with a wink.

With only one enemy left standing, the Scooby Gang surrounded the purple monster. It was so easy to overcome, Spike almost pitied it.

As the last demon fell, the platforms they had arrived on began to lower. Each of the gang stepped onto the one on which they had started. Finally able to remove his tattered duster from over his head as he was being lowered, Spike heard the announcer's voice return. "Your new champions, folks! They'll be back next week with a new set of challengers! Tune in to see who or what they'll face only on NBC!"


End file.
